She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
