Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She announced her abortion via fbk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
