I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
