Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
