Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
