dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
