I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
