I think my fart just growled at me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
