You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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