YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
