you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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