hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize