the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
