Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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