somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
