Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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