P.S. I can't hear my feet
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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