I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
