everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
