well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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