Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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