dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
