She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
