Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
