i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
