I am puke
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
