Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
