summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
