i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
