I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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