is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
