Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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