Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
