I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
