Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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