I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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