The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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