I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
