I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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