I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
