i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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