If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
