We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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