3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
