...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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