Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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