I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dicks are not precious.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
