You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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