6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
