people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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