M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
