you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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