Porn is love you can see.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
