Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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