Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
