I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
