paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
