I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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