If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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