so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
