theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
what is it with giant penises always finding me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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