I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
