# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize