They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
