I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
