My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
