There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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