is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im holly from the hills drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
