Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
