Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
